vertical expression
bertha sits alone at home, waiting for the telephone
bertha's lonely, bertha yawns, she wants to put her makeup on
finally the phone it rings, bertha springs and says hello
alas it's only hilda who has nothing else to do
bertha says "let's go dancing", hilda jumps at the chance
they both hang up they both change pants both hoping for romance

it's a vertical expression of a horizontal idea
it's a perfect way to meet the guy you want to marry
it's primitive fertility rite (oh bertha look) gone wrong
(don' look at them) here come fred and larry

hey there baby don't say maybe
let's get out there and get spastic
c'mon girls now don't act plastic
let's go trip the light fantastic

everbody's moving now, everybody's grooving now
larry and hilda, fred and bertha have paired up for what it's wortha
they dance they drink, they drink they dance, bertha falls and splits her pants
larry and hilda laugh with glee, fred just helps her to her feet
bertha's drunk, bertha's high, bertha knows she loves this guy

it's a vertical expression of a horizontal idea
it's getting late and you might say bertha's ripped
it's a primitive fertility rite (how time flies) gone wrong
it's that time when flies are made to be unzipped

hey there baby whadda ya say, it's free, it's fun, it's really easy
you look decent, i look great, let's go propogate the species

(break)

it's a veritical expression of a horizontal idea
it's the end of another fun filled weekend
it's a primitive fertility rite (that's all that's left) gone wrong
is the urge to do it all again

hey there baby whadda ya say, it's free, it's fun, it's really easy
you look decent, i look great, let's go propogate the species